A Journal/Blog

Right before I started making bread yesterday, I called my Aunt Angela AKA Mother of the Year with a question about making bread. She answered my question and than told me she wanted to know how it goes and that I should blog about it. She told me that a blog can be your journal.

It made me think. . . a lot. I have never been a fabulous blogger or a good journal keeper. Making my blog a journal, seems like a really crazy/hard/weird idea. I think it is because a Journal is you expressing your point of view on your life. Your opinion. Your tone, your everything. I don't considerer myself a private person at all. I am fairly open, honest, and for the most part, pretty good--but allowing myself to say how I really feel, it's hard. I worry people will be mean, or judge me, or confirm even more that I am crazy.

I love reading other peoples blogs though, and the blogs that I love the most are the ones that the author explains in detail how they feel about whatever they are doing or making. I can do that. . . I think.

Here it Goes:

Since I've been married, I've had this overwhelming feeling of inadequacy. It has been a constant almost daily struggle. My husband is so wonderful, he reminds me constantly that I am a good wife --always supporting me. My family and friends support me too but even with all the encouragement and praise I receive (I am especially grateful that I have people in my life that take the time to praise and encourage me- it really makes me feel so happy), I feel that I am lacking.

When I was very young, my mother went back to school to further her education-- but it left her with a lot less time to do the things that she did before she started going to school and working. She continued to sew, cook, and be crafty, but I never learned to take on any of those skills from her. Between her busy schedule and me living with my father after my parents' divorce-- I really lost out in the homemaking department and now feel really behind trying to catch up in the family/wife department.

I am trying to learn to fill my life with the wonderful things that I miss so dearly. Some of the things I am learning include:

Scrapbooking

I am learning how to scrapbook. It may sound silly to some, but I really enjoy all the neat things you can do with scrapbook paper and everything associated with it.

Cooking

Living in a different state really puts a damper on your extended family time. Some of my favorite memories include Sunday dinners at home with my family. I miss the conversation and jokes, I miss the food, but I especially miss the company. Since I can't exactly go to my Dad's house every Sunday for dinner, I've learned how to cook more than just Mac and Cheese. It has been really fun and most of the time pretty tasty. I especially love when I get to cook with my Husband.

Baking

I love to bake. The rewards of baking are always "sweet." Baking is something that really got me down when Steve and I were first married. It troubled me. I was always burning things even though I already knew how to bake. Come to find out, our oven was 50 degrees hotter than what it was supposed to be set at! Once I figured that out, I was relieved! I thought I was a complete failure when really my oven was just plain off!

These are just a few of the things in my life I have learned and find happiness in and help me realize my self-worth.

This whole story/post may seem silly and random, but this is my blog/journal and from now on, I am going to write about whatever I want and try not to worry about it!