Please, I Need a Beach and Some Sun

I about blew up today when I got home from work.

I want a real vacation. One where you get to wear a slightly scandalous swim suit, have a frozen yummy drink with a little umbrella in your hand, you wear ridiculously huge sunglasses, a cute sun-dress, fabulous flip-flops, and the only care you have in the world at that moment is your tan line.

I want to look out and only see the ocean and dig my toes in the sand. I want to feel warm. I don't want to worry about work or church or this or that. I want to sleep in and stay up late.

I travel a lot now that I live away from my family. I have been to South Dakota, Colorado, and Denver. I also visit Utah a lot to be with Family and Friends. I love it. It has been so fun, but a lot of the time it can be less of a Vacation going to those places and more of just running around trying to get everything done because we are so rushed.

With my job, I have two weeks of Vacation time a year. However, my first year of work-- I have no time off and anytime I do take, I "borrow" from the time I get the next year. It is a little complicated how it all works out. The other part is I don't exactly get to say when I get to take my time. I have to wait for about 12 other people to pick what time they would like off before I get to pick when I go. On top of that, the list or calendar of who picks what days hasn't and probably won't come around to me for a month or two. And last but not least, I am required to take one consecutive week off from work. I can't just take a couple days here or there throughout the year. It is really discouraging sometimes.

The hardest part right now is hearing about everyone else and where they are going. It's not that they don't deserve it or anything like that, I am just flustered that I can't even try to plan something because I don't know when I would even be able to go. Even worse is the closest airport is kind of a joke to fly out of. It is such a bummer.

Learning the joys of being very last to pick and at the bottom of the Totem Pole sucks. I don't care if everyone has to go through it-- it sucked for them and it sucks for me.

Whatever though-- the bright side is I get to go sometime in the next year (I hope)! I also really am lucky that I have a job with benefits that I enjoy--even if some of them are bitter sweet. Maybe I will go tanning later to shake off these blues :)

Have you ever felt like you need to get far away, very far away and just relax??

---Dinner is Served---

Earlier this month, I posted about my New Years Resolutions. I am still working on them. Let's say some of them need a lot more work than others!

One of the resolutions: Lose some extra "love" around the middle.

It has been hard! Diets can really suck. I am not on a specific diet; rather just eating really healthy. It is especially hard when all you want is a cookie :)

I am getting a little bored with all three Lean Cuisine flavors that I can handle and all the non-starchy vegetables I can eat so I browsed some "healthy" cook books to find something slightly more delectable.

What I found so far has been sooooo good! Especially when you compare it to what I have been eating.

Last Saturday, we had the Missionaries over for dinner. I made the Draper family's famous Chicken Teriyaki. It was great, but to top it off- I decided to make homemade (not frozen) Pot-stickers!

They were really good! I didn't get a great picture of them, but I did get a picture of the mess I made putting the together. . .

The other thing that I made this weekend was Lasagna. It wasn't the prettiest Lasagna you've ever seen, but it was delish and one serving was enough to fill you up for the rest of the night!

Last but not least, you already know about the homemade Wheat Bread. It is so good. The hardest part is limiting yourself one or two slices a day!

I have noticed a tremendous difference in how I feel when I eat more wholesome foods. I hope soon that I can notice a tremendous difference in how I look too :)

A Journal/Blog

Right before I started making bread yesterday, I called my Aunt Angela AKA Mother of the Year with a question about making bread. She answered my question and than told me she wanted to know how it goes and that I should blog about it. She told me that a blog can be your journal.

It made me think. . . a lot. I have never been a fabulous blogger or a good journal keeper. Making my blog a journal, seems like a really crazy/hard/weird idea. I think it is because a Journal is you expressing your point of view on your life. Your opinion. Your tone, your everything. I don't considerer myself a private person at all. I am fairly open, honest, and for the most part, pretty good--but allowing myself to say how I really feel, it's hard. I worry people will be mean, or judge me, or confirm even more that I am crazy.

I love reading other peoples blogs though, and the blogs that I love the most are the ones that the author explains in detail how they feel about whatever they are doing or making. I can do that. . . I think.

Here it Goes:

Since I've been married, I've had this overwhelming feeling of inadequacy. It has been a constant almost daily struggle. My husband is so wonderful, he reminds me constantly that I am a good wife --always supporting me. My family and friends support me too but even with all the encouragement and praise I receive (I am especially grateful that I have people in my life that take the time to praise and encourage me- it really makes me feel so happy), I feel that I am lacking.

When I was very young, my mother went back to school to further her education-- but it left her with a lot less time to do the things that she did before she started going to school and working. She continued to sew, cook, and be crafty, but I never learned to take on any of those skills from her. Between her busy schedule and me living with my father after my parents' divorce-- I really lost out in the homemaking department and now feel really behind trying to catch up in the family/wife department.

I am trying to learn to fill my life with the wonderful things that I miss so dearly. Some of the things I am learning include:

Scrapbooking

I am learning how to scrapbook. It may sound silly to some, but I really enjoy all the neat things you can do with scrapbook paper and everything associated with it.

Cooking

Living in a different state really puts a damper on your extended family time. Some of my favorite memories include Sunday dinners at home with my family. I miss the conversation and jokes, I miss the food, but I especially miss the company. Since I can't exactly go to my Dad's house every Sunday for dinner, I've learned how to cook more than just Mac and Cheese. It has been really fun and most of the time pretty tasty. I especially love when I get to cook with my Husband.

Baking

I love to bake. The rewards of baking are always "sweet." Baking is something that really got me down when Steve and I were first married. It troubled me. I was always burning things even though I already knew how to bake. Come to find out, our oven was 50 degrees hotter than what it was supposed to be set at! Once I figured that out, I was relieved! I thought I was a complete failure when really my oven was just plain off!

These are just a few of the things in my life I have learned and find happiness in and help me realize my self-worth.

This whole story/post may seem silly and random, but this is my blog/journal and from now on, I am going to write about whatever I want and try not to worry about it!

Bread Making

My Wonderful Hubby-Steve surprised me with a Bosch Mixer for our second anniversary. I am super excited. It has been a big WANT for a long time!

The reason I wanted this mixer is to make Bread. I am a bread-o-holic. I love homemade bread like none other. My Mom used to make bread almost every Sunday. The smell of it alone makes me smile.

I have been really nervous to make bread before now because I am scared that it will burn out my Kitchen-Aide Mixer. Bread dough is super hard on them and my Mom burnt out like three Kitchen-Aides making dough in them. I was not about to risk it :(

I just finished making the dough--right now it is rising in my laundry closet-- reason being is because it is the warmest area in my house. . . Hopefully it won't smell too much like Downey :)

I really, really hope the bread turns out! It might not and that is okay--because making bread is truly an art that requires talent and practice!

New Years Resolutions

The New Year brings so much to think about.

I have NEVER been good about goals and New Years Resolutions, but 2011 I really want to change a few things in my life and the New Year is the perfect time to start being better.

I don't know very many girls that wouldn't change their appearance if they could-- Longer hair, prettier skin, and the big one: get skinnier.

For me, I want to lose a bunch of weight. I want to break out that swim suit this summer and feel like one hot mama in it :)

To get skinny, I started eating really healthy, I joined a gym (and I go), and I am trying to take my vitamins.

It has been great, really hard sometimes, and really frustrating at other times, but really great. I am only a few weeks into it, but I have seen some great results. However, I will admit that I struggle on the weekends. I don't keep track of how much or what I am eating like I should. I am sure this is really not good to do when you are trying to fit in that yellow polka-dot bikini, but when Monday comes around, I am ready to dive back into healthy foods and exercise and it kind of re-motivates me!

My Church/Spiritual goals, I really want to read scriptures on a more regular basis, say daily-meaningful prays, and be more proactive about my calling in Church.

I notice a tremendous difference when I read my scriptures daily. I am literally filled with the Spirit of the Lord and really enjoy the peace it blesses me with. Prayers are a no brainer- but they are something that I really want to have my whole heart into and when you are running around like crazy, it can be a little harder to be completely sincere.

As for my church calling, I am really excited for the next year. I feel it will really be fun to work at it.

Another big goal is saving more, spending less. Way easier said than done :)

I hope that I can make the best of 2011 and myself. It is a work in progress-- but I can do it!